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Lizard King Wants to Keep Skating Forever

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Lizard King in Bristol

Lizard King is what your grandma sees when she thinks of a skateboarder. Hand tattoos, wild eyes, an impressive alcohol tolerance, once cleared Bob Burnquist’s huge mega ramp without any pads in the midst of a comedown. That kind of guy.

However, all of that stuff is secondary to his skating. Moving from Salt Lake City to California in 2004, he got his break on Deathwish and has since risen up to become one of modern skateboarding’s most iconic names. The fact he goes by Lizard King rather than his real name, Mike Plumb, might help with that a little, but it's his part in Baker Has a Deathwish—and every video, shop promo and piece of tour footage he's been featured in since – that's really responsible for where he's at today.

I met up with him in Bristol during the Supra team's recent UK tour to talk about skating, painting and Mormonism.

VICE: Let's get the most important question out the way firstis Bristol better to skate than California?
Lizard King: Dude, it's sick. Everywhere we've been to has been fucking fun. It kind of sucks skating in front of shit loads of people, but other than that it’s fun. Everyone seems to be killin' it; kids seem to be having fun.

Good to hear. So why Supra? What are the perks compared to other sponsors?
Umm, free shoes and money? [Laughs] No, it's pretty cool. Our team is, like, full of just rock stars, so it's pretty epic. There's not many other teams on the planet like ours. I think we're kind of like the last one standing of a legendary team. I think we came together as one; we all get paid or whatever, but at the end of the day we're all homies.

We got Chad Muska, Erik Ellington, Stevie Williams... fucking Lizard King! But then our amateurs and other pros are all so well rounded and so legendary; there are so many different styles. There's still the best and the gnarliest, but then also the coolest and most stylish. Supra's more like a lifestyle than a brand.

Do you think skating still has the kind of relevance to young people as it did in, say, 2001, when Jackass was the biggest thing on TV and everyone was wearing Blind hoodies? People have the internet and online gaming now.
I think it’s bigger than it’s ever been before. All that shit's only made it so fucking accessible and way more mainstream. Everyone knows about skateboarding now; back in the day it was like you'd wait – fuck – a couple years for a video to come out, and then you'd sit at a skate shop watching it a hundred times, wishing you had a copy of it at home. Now you just type in someone’s name on the internet and you fucking own the video. It sucks. It makes skating cool in one way, but makes it suck in another, because everyone expects so much more now. Skateboarding's hard on you – mentally, physically, everything.

Lizard King for Supra

Do you think that helps motivate you, though? The fact that you can now see people from all over doing the craziest shit?
Skateboarding's so personal, though – no one person really skates like another, so I feel like there's a lot of individualism in skateboarding. You can always go to the same spot, but no one's ever going to do the same fucking thing. And even if you did the same trick as someone else, it’s never going to look the same. That’s why skateboarding is the shit.

You're saying it has a kind of inherent level of personal expression to it.
Exactly. It's like if you give two dudes a canvas and a bunch of paint and ask them to paint the same thing – it's not going to look alike. They're going to be completely different paintings; everyone has their own outlook on it.

What about the money?
At the end of the day, it’s like, you don't skate for a living for free. If they didn't pay people, no one would do it. And why should they?

What would you be doing today if you weren't skating?
Fuck. I like painting and doing weird shit, like building stuff. I used to be pretty into climbing and biking. But yeah, probably painting, dude.

What do you like to paint?
Just weird shit – whatever I can come up with. Some days it's like weird faces getting chopped up, and other days who knows.

What are your thoughts on the plans to convert London's Southbank park into a shopping plaza?
Fuck – I mean, don't close that shit. Legendary spots are legendary and they will always be. I think spots like that should always be there. You might as well turn it into a massive dildo.

Solid point. How do you unwind on tour?
Oh my god, I feel like the shenanigans always continue – one thing after the next. Fuck, as long as it keeps going, y'know?

Is that your biggest fear, the day it ends?
Yeah, I think about it all the time. I'm 29. Eventually it ends, but I hope not for a long time. The last thing I want to do is end up trying to figure out the fuck I'm good at besides skating.

You've just had a kid. How do you balance touring and skating for a living with family life?
You live like a rock star and you act like a rock star, but you aren't one. At the end of the day, you're not. You don't get paid like one and you don't live like one, but you can try. But no, I think it mellows it down and I think it makes skating cooler; you're actually skating for something, not just yourself. I've got a kid to feed and a family to fucking take care of.

Is there added pressure?
Pressure in a good way. Like when, you know, you have to perform, but you also want to. If anything, I think I care more about skating now more than ever.

How was it growing up in Salt Lake City? I can't think of many other pros from there.
It's awesome, man! There's so much shit to do, like ride bikes, rock climb, fucking skate and snowboard. It's such an extreme sports place. It's such an awesome place to grow up. There are so many options to try and to get good at that you're probably going be good at something.

Did you ever consider converting to Mormonism?
No. Hell no. I got family that are Mormon; they're fucking lame.

Okay, let's have a few quick-fire questions to finish off. Any rituals before a comp or a demo? 
A Burger King junior meal. You always gotta come in light.

The tattoo you're most proud of?
They called my grandpa “Grandpa Gator”, so I got this gator on my arm with a little hearing aid. He passed away just recently, but he used to give me money when I was a kid. He was kind of a dick to everyone but me. For some reason me and him got along.

Favorite city to skate in?
Salt Lake. Hometown rules.

Which way do you vote?
Neither – that shit's bullshit.

Favorite cheese?
Hmm, Havarti cheese is my favorite. Kind of sweet but tangy.

Finally, today's the summer solstice. What are your plans for the evening?
Breathe. Just fucking take a deep breath and realize that I’m still going.


I Spent a Day Riding Shotgun a Cum Delivery Truck

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The splooge wagon in question. All photos via the author. 
 
I spent a day last week driving around in a semen delivery truck, which is kind of like a pizza delivery truck, except it’s for impregnating dairy cows, and it doesn’t smell especially great.
 
I met Gary—the incredibly nice driver of the sperm truck in question—in the parking lot of a centrally located KFC. I ditched my car and he showed me his ride. It’s a nicer-than-average white pickup truck, outfitted with a cab on the back, filled with nitroglycerin tanks to keep the semen chilly. If you didn’t already know what a cum delivery truck looked like, you’d never guess that Gary’s whip is full of jizz. It’s not like the company logo is a bull schlong, or even a bull, so it just looks like all the other vaguely agriculture-y stuff driving around our vaguely agriculture-y province of Prince Edward Island, Canada.
 
The concept of the traveling animal jizz wagon is really quite simple. Gary takes cow semen orders and drops them off, occasionally doing the breeding himself (“anywhere from a wrist to your shoulder” is how far you have to stick your hand inside a cow, he says). His orders come in when farmers realize their cows are in heat—either via devices that measure cow activity or by observing serious cow lesbo action in the fields—and then give him a ring with the type and amount of semen they want.
 
Surprisingly, selecting the right flavor of cow cum is not as simple as picking between two or three good looking man-cows (or bulls, as you probably know them). It’s a real science. First, there are few-to-no breeding bulls in the entire province, so the bull butter is flown in from around the world. Second, the options and price differences for cow semen are tremendous. Anywhere from your typical Joe bull to one that is ‘proven’ by having hundreds of nice-looking daughters can range between $10 a dose to $50 a dose. It’s not enough that the bull has to be handsome as all hell—their kids have to be as well. If my Facebook feed is any indication, good-looking parents do not always equal good looking children. So these bulls are truly rare.
 
Once the perfect jizz has been chosen, farmers also have to decide if they want to pay extra to get "sexed" semen. It’s not what it sounds like, depending how that sounds to you. Sexed semen guarantees a female calf. Since we’re talking dairy, that’s what you want. A male calf is worth less than $200 but a female, depending on how much milk and calves she produces, could be worth tens of thousands of dollars down the road.
 
Anyway, it’s time to start Gary’s daily delivery of bull-batter so we’re on the road before 9 AM. First stop: a few doses to a farm just outside of Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island. We hop out of the car and Gary chats with the farmer—like most island farmers, he knows him well, knows how his year is going, and how his cows are milking.
 
There’s a bit of hustle between the two men and the first deal of the day made.
 
That’s the first time I actually saw the semen. The way it’s handled, it looks like a cartoon scientist handling dangerous chemicals.
 
 
Gary hops in the back and opens the nitro. He has little prongs to handle the straws full of splooge.
 
Immediately he knew which he was getting, though I still don’t understand how he recognized whose semen was which. Mist floats through the air around the nitro, creating a small and sort of mystic cloud around the event. He pops the straw out—ten ‘doses’ of semen are in one straw—it’s just a small amount per dose; a cubic centimeter. You don’t usually buy one at a time—usually in multiples of five or ten.
 
Quickly, Gary takes the semen-straw to a carrier and puts it in. Any exposure to warm temperatures will kill the swimmers, and that obviously has far-ranging impacts on the business. All of the farms have tiny coolers full of nitro—so carefully, he puts the straws into the barn and prints off a bill for the farmer.
 
And that was the first transaction of the day. Potentially, we helped create ten calves, all before 10 AM. Mostly him, but I was there too.
 
Satisfied with our (his) (the bull’s) great work, Gary and I got to chat for a bit before our next run.
 
I asked him how he got into the insemination game: like a lot of islanders, he grew up on the farm and still has a farm, but didn’t want to make a go on that alone. He always wanted to breed cows and picked up a side gig doing that full time. That is, the literal putting-the-semen-in-the-cows part. 
 
I asked him if he was any good at it and he said yes, he is. He says he can be having a conversation with someone and get a cow pregnant without the person realizing it. I don’t know how that works. I cannot picture that. But I believe him, because Gary is a believable guy. From there, he got the delivery sales job easily, and he seems to be a very adept jizz merchant. He will breed the odd cow, but doesn’t do it as much anymore.
 
Then a client calls, asking for some gear in a farm next door. We carry on down the road.
 
I can tell immediately the place is high-end. The barns are huge, there are fair ribbons all over the place, and it’s a multi-generational, well-established farm. Gary is top of his game. They don’t want or need semen, but Gary’s pulling out some big names to try and convince them otherwise. Lots of cows in this barn are descendants of a proven stud, Gold Chip. That stud kind of changed the Holstein lineage. Gold Chip died but there’s still some semen available from him. More often, though, is line-breeding, a.k.a. cow incest, because demand is up for Gold Chip’s semen, but he’s dead, so supply is very limited. It’s pricey. As far as I can tell, he doesn’t make the sale he’s hoping for. But we do unload some product and I do get to look at some young cows, which are very cute. This one is only a day old.
 

This is what happens when Gary does his job right.
 
The next stop is a ways away, on the other side of Charlottetown. We get a bit into the business between popping into barns all afternoon.
 
The thing you need to know is that this business is insane. It’s very, very competitive. I get the sense Gary’s company is pretty high-end. But he took the sales job only a little over a year ago, and he’s fighting to win farms over to switch from their old semen guys.
 
There’s one in particular that’s giving him a run. I won’t name him because I like Gary, and want Gary to get all the business. But this other guy is an aggressive seller and he trims cattle feet. The feet-trimming gets him into barns for hours at a time—that lends him the ear of the farmer. From there, he sells semen while he trims feet. It’s sort of like if the person on an infomercial also provided you with an essential service, while selling you whatever’s on the infomercial. We hear about this guy and his very competitive prices at almost every barn we visit.
 
Likewise, every farm we go to asks for a deal on the price. Call them jizz hagglers, if you want. We went to six or seven farms. Gary has some degree of wiggle room, but he knows all the farmers would talk to each other and compare what prices they’re getting. He can’t give preference to one because it’d alienate the others. He’s still pretty good to offer actual sales to people or let them know when a bull’s jizz is about to skyrocket in price.
 
The job’s not all roses, if that’s not keenly evident by the fact that sometimes Gary sticks his arms shoulder-deep into cows.
 
So what he does to try and win people over, when not getting phone calls asking for deliveries, is pop his head in at all the farms, try to understand their needs and farming aspirations, then pitch them stuff—semen, mostly—that would help them get there.
 
The day we go out, that’s only mildly successful. He chats to a couple people and sells them only supplies like gloves and insemination guns—the thing you put the semen in before you inject it into the cow’s lady parts. But he says it’s a long game. And he’s just going to keep doing it, until he sways other people.
 
Ultimately, obviously, it’s not that different from any other sales job. It’s just weirder, because it’s cow jizz.
 
Follow Kate McKenna on Twitter
 

This Guy Is Cyberstalking the World's Cats in the Name of Privacy

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This Guy Is Cyberstalking the World's Cats in the Name of Privacy

VICE News: The Sahara's Forgotten War - Part 4

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If you ask the linguist and philosopher Noam Chomsky, the Arab Spring did not begin in Tunisia in 2011—it began with the October 2010 protests in the town of Gdeim Izik, in Western Sahara's occupied territories. The former Spanish colony has been illegally occupied by Morocco since 1975. Its territory is divided in two by a 1,677-mile-long sand wall and surrounded by some 7 million land mines.

The native Sahrawis, led by their independence movement the Polisario, are recognized by the International Court of Justice as the rightful owners of the land. However, Morocco hijacked Western Sahara's decolonization process from Spain in 1975, marching some 300,000 settlers into the territory. This triggered a 16-year war between Morocco and the Polisario, which forced more than 100,000 Sahrawis into exile across the border in Algeria. Technically, Western Sahara is still Spanish and remains Africa's last colony.

Whether adrift in refugee camps and dependent on aid or languishing under Moroccan rule, the Sahrawis are still fighting for their independence in an increasingly volatile region. Meanwhile, the UN has no mandate to monitor human rights in occupied Western Sahara. VICE News travels to Western Sahara's occupied and liberated territories, as well as the Polisario-run refugee camps in Algeria, to find out more about one of the world's least-reported conflicts.

In part four, VICE News learns what life is like for Sahrawis living under Moroccan rule in the occupied territories of Western Sahara. A virtual no-go area for journalists, we manage to sneak in and meet Sahrawis whose activism puts them at risk of enduring both police brutality and detainment—without a proper trial—in the infamous Black Prison.

Feminism and Corporate PR: The Circus of Empowerment

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Photos by the author

If a journalist relies too much on PR people, if she’s lazy or afraid to ruin relationships, she’ll end up writing pieces that are more or less advertisements. Many, many stories in big newspapers are actually written by hard-working PR people behind the scenes and then transmitted to the public via a so-called “journalist.” PR influences journalism in the same way lobbyists influence Congress.
 
The power of modern PR is part of the reason why you see stories on the same topics going viral over and over again. When someone in your feed shares an article called “Powerful Ad Shows What Little Girl Hears When You Tell Her She’s Pretty,” ostensibly about female oppression, but with an embedded video of a telecom commercial and two paragraphs of text about how powerful it is, what you are seeing is not journalism but advertising.  
 
The phenomenon known as “Silicon Beach,” the referential name given to the swell of tech companies in Los Angeles—like Silicon Alley (New York) and Silicon Prairie (Texas)—is less a reality than the product of good PR. 
 
Silicon Beach is recognized, in advertisement-journalism, as a beautiful-people version of Silicon Valley—a place where software CEOs are sexy ladies, the secretaries are gay best friends, and straight men (surfers, actors, or skateboarders) are the eye candy. Events are sponsored by big brands, often highlighting the triumphs of women in the workplace, which then generate advertisment-articles in which the brand has its name repeated throughout the text, interspersed with photos of beautiful and powerful women and a maybe celebrity or two.
 
But beneath the gloss and buzzwords, is there really anything going on at Silicon Beach? Is there really anything to celebrate besides the celebration itself? Female CEOs may be sexy, powerful innovators, but there’s a risk that highlighting them as such detracts from the equality that their PR people are so keen to publicize.
 
I went to one such PR event, a “celebration” of female tech CEOs, sponsored by a certain automotive corporation with a female CEO, and Refinery 29, and hosted, inexplicably, by Kelly Osbourne—to find out the answer to a nagging question: Should successful women be celebrated just for being a woman? 
 
I arrived at the event, called Driven by Digital: Leaders in Style + Tech, and realized immediately that I was an impostor. Stoned and carrying an old school film camera, I walked up to the red carpet to find my name on it—a printed paper marking where I was meant to stand and take photos of the glamorous attendees. The other “journalists,” professional photographers with high-tech set-ups, snapped shot after shot to sell to tabloids that very evening.

Everyone waited for Kelly Osbourne’s royal entrance. “Is she coming? Did you talk to her publicist?” chattered the PR hordes, and when she got there, charm blasting from her eyeballs, a TV host for some obscure channel asked her about her new purple hair.

“I really just believe in doing anything that’s against the mainstream,” said Kelly. “My hair is in support of that.”

Kelly Osbourne, being against the mainstream

I went inside and pounded two Jack-and-cokes from the top-shelf open bar, waiting for my chance to talk to the attendees—female CEOs who were changing the fashion and tech landscape with their successful websites.

Piera Gelardi (left), co-founder and creative director, Refinery 29 
 
Piera Gelardi grew up in rural Maine. Now she runs Refinery29, one of the most powerful fashion blogs on the internet, with more than 600,000 Twitter followers. She’s smart and deadpan, by far the most intimidating person I spoke to all evening. 
 
She, like all the other women I interviewed, is a liberal who thinks Sarah Palin is a disgrace to womankind. She gave my questions about politics and Hollywood one-word answers and a staunch “That’s all I’ll say about that.” She wasn’t aloof, though, or flamboyantly fashiony, but rather stern and serious, someone who doesn’t like to waste time.
 
She is, however, a strong feminist, and was the most vocal when I asked if there was anything wrong with celebrating women only for their sex, “The men that are killing it in technology are recognized agnostic of sex, and it’s true that it would be weird to recognize them as 'the Men of Technology,'” Gelardi said, “but I think that we’re all human, and encouragement is a very powerful thing. It’s about recognizing that women are the minority of the industry, so it’s just celebrating that push forward, women breaking through. If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t be hosting events like this.”
 
 
Samantha Haas, CEO, WagAware
 
Haas is a Harvard Law grad who runs WagAware, a company that makes charity-fundraising charms for dog collars—kind of like a Livestrong for dogs. She’s a threateningly perfect person; from beauty to accolades to altruism, she’s the image of female achievement. And as such, she’s going to absolutely murder me for publishing this photo.
 
Haas was the most poised and political of the women. Elizabeth Warren was her tax professor at Harvard Law, and she has a bit of Warren’s integrity in her eyes, although a bit of fun too. She’s the kind of girl who dates people way, way more successful than you could ever be but will be just nice enough that you’ll think you have a chance.
 
Does she think it’s annoying to be celebrated for being a woman?
 
“I understand that it can sort of undermine the whole thing. Like, why does being a woman matter, if we’re just the same as men?” Haas, like Gelardi, acknowledges, “But I think that’s getting too nitpicky and PC to say we shouldn’t celebrate women for that reason. I say celebration is good for anybody, so just enjoy it.” 
 
It’s PC to highlight female equality, but is it perhaps even more PC to complain about highlighting female inequality? I felt like the Neanderthal man at the party, but perhaps I was the most nitpicky equality-crusader of all.
 
 
Erin Falconer (left) and Geri Hirsch, Leaf.tv 
 
Falconer and Hirsch were famous bloggers before starting Leaf.tv, the YouTube of female-focused DIY videos. On Leaf, you can learn how to home-make everything from patriotic cut-off shorts to organic dog treats.
 
Hirsch came off as the most superficial of the bunch. She talked about her well-connected talent-manager boyfriend, and said she couldn’t talk about celebrities because she was “friends with those people.” 
 
Falconer, in contrast, was feisty and adversarial, and proud of her status as a female internet pioneer. “WWW stands for World Wide Women,” said Falconer about being celebrated for her femalehood. “It’s a changing landscape, and that’s a very powerful story. We look pretty, but we also have these really stressful jobs. It’s a whole new feminism.”
 
I asked if highlighting gender, instead of the achievements themselves, undermined inequality. Hirsch spoke up.
 
“Yes, it’s about women, but that’s because we’re all driving businesses that are geared toward women. We’re not like an online car dealership or something.”
 
Falconer agreed. “Yeah, we focus on stuff like lifestyle and cooking and home decor. All in the scope of a female demographic. So that’s why we’re being celebrated.”
 
It makes sense to celebrate women for starting successful female-focused companies in a traditionally male arena, but at the same time, doesn’t feminism reject being celebrated for “cooking and home décor”? 
 
 
Anna Griffin (left), publisher and editor-in-chief, Coco Eco
 
Anna Griffin is a former model from London. After quitting modeling and wanting to do something more substantial, she started Coco Eco, an eco-friendly version of Vogue. She followed the advice of her father, who told her that in order to be successful in a man’s world, she should embrace her womanly charm. Like Falconer, feminism to Griffin means rising to the level of men without becoming them.
 
“I can get away with things in a room that a man never could,” Griffin says, “and some of that’s to do with being gentler than a man, and some of it’s to do with, y’know, my hair and my eyes.” Since she's someone with large fake breasts, I couldn’t tell whether she was being sarcastic.
 
“Let’s be honest—we’re still in a man’s world,” Griffin said. “Whether it’s our paychecks or forgiveness for indiscretions, we’ll never get what men get. I like to see an emphasis on women, because we have been behind the guys, your lot. I bust my ass to do what I do, and a man couldn’t do what I do. So I say celebrate for all us women, and let’s go to Chippendales afterwards.”
 
 
Stephanie Mark (right), co-founder, the Coveteur 
 
The Coveteur, true to its name, allows users to see inside the closets of their favorite “influencers.” It has 400,000 Instagram followers who eagerly consume photos of the items owned by famous people. Co-founder Stephanie Mark has a wry, perverted sense of humor that makes her instantly likable. 
 
With all the women I avoided questions about sex, because I didn’t want to be accused of sexualizing them, but Mark sexualized herself. When I asked her if she preferred Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, she responded, “Threesome.” 
 
When I asked her if it was annoying to be celebrated for being a female, she responded with a vulgar eloquence that only a down-to-earth woman can pull off. 
 
“It's a double-sided question. I think that bringing to light that women are doing really amazing things needs to happen, but in the same respect it’s fucking annoying, because it’s like, we’re fucking humans and we’re going to do the same shit as everyone else,” said Mark, a thoughtful, curious glint in her eye. “I think the most important thing is that all women know that other women are glam, women like other strong women, and it’s really about making it known to men that there should not be a difference.”

Cheryl Han (left) and Elenor Mak, founders, Keaton Row
 
Cheryl Han and Elenor Mack graduated together from Harvard Business School, then started Keaton Row, a website that matches shoppers with personal stylists. They view themselves as double-minority CEOs (female and Asian) who have struggled hard to break barriers. They have a negative attitude toward so-called entrepreneurs who do it because they think it’s sexy.  
 
“We live in a time when startups are really trendy and popular, and people start them so they can say that they’re an entrepreneur, and we think that’s bullshit,” Han said. “You should only start a business to service someone who’s not serviced.” 
 
Han believes women, however, should be encouraged to start businesses, and that celebrations of female achievement help fuel that fire. Furthermore, she shares the others’ belief that females cannot hope to eclipse men by imitating them, but that they must create new rules for themselves.
 
“I think it’s important to call out the fact that we are women, because we’re not men. We’re not. I think this is a world that’s honestly dominated by men, and I don’t think that we’re going to be able to break into the space by acting and playing by the rules that have been put in place by men,” Han said. “We see a lot of women who are trying to fit into this man’s world by kind of playing by those rules. We want to change those rules.”

Chonda Chatterjee, senior vice president, Lyst
 
Chatterjee rose up the ranks at Rent the Runway before being hired as SVP of US operations at the user-curated shopping site Lyst. Lyst sells $1 million of merchandise a month. 
 
Chatterjee is very funny. She’s got a ray-of-sunshine smile and loves Channing Tatum: “I mean, let’s put it this way. Just based on his performance in Step Up 1 alone, I have seen Step Up 2, 3, and 4 and am eagerly anticipating 5.” 
 
She also came off as the smartest of the women I interviewed, with a slightly rebellious edge. “I saw Edward Snowden at SXSW this year. Technologists tend to be revolutionaries a little bit, and there was so much support for him in the room. I was kind of feeling that.”
 
As for being celebrated for being a woman, she thinks it’s all about relationship building, saying, “I think a big part of the experience of being a woman is being able to band together with other women and support each other. A really special part of the female experience is the support network that women naturally create. So these kinds of events feel like a natural extension of that.”
 
What Chatterjee means is that it’s all about power. Women are using the weapons they have to raise their subgroup (which makes up 51 percent of the population) not just to an equal footing with men but above them. 
 
Is it fair to recognize them for being women alone? That’s not the point. Despite the PR lingo, the event wasn’t a “celebration"; it was a meeting of an old girls' club. The women of Silicon Beach are using their femininity, and one another, to fight the battle of the sexes to win. Taking women seriously doesn’t mean being proud of women and giving them a gold star; it means being intimidated enough by them to resent them. It’s envy, not pity, that indicates true equality.
 
Follow Isaac Simpson on Twitter.

Comics: Band for Life - Part 22

Bucharest Is Not a Good Place to Be a Heroin Addict

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Addicts are given ten syringes a day by the Caracuda drug center

According to the Romanian National Anti-Drug Agency (ANA), there are 10,000 intravenous drug users in Bucharest. In theory, the state is supposed to supply users with clean needles and help addicts get on methadone treatment programs. But considering the allegations of police persecution—and the 25 percent rise in HIV rates during 2012, suggesting users weren’t getting the clean needles they were promised—it would seem the authorities’ attitudes haven’t changed a lot since the days of dictatorial communist rule.

To get a better understanding of the situation, I visited the Caracuda Center in the city’s Ferentari neighborhood, which is considered to be the hub of heroin use in Bucharest. Here, an NGO called Carusel offers syringes and medical aid to addicts three times a week. On arriving, I heard the first example of the government’s absurd approach to heroin users: The only way a homeless addict can get the ID card that allows him to get medical attention is if a cop fines him for sleeping on public property and gives him temporary papers so he can issue the penalty.



The Caracuda center is named after Romania's first methadone patient. On the left is Costin Militaru.

Costin Militaru, a medic at the center who treats users' injection wounds, told me: “Addicts are treated OK in the centers, and they can get on the methadone treatment if they really want to. But it’s hard for them because they have to get IDs and many of these treatments aren't free.”

As for the local authorities, Costin claims they confiscate the state-issued syringes he hands out to addicts. “Sometimes they take them to the precinct and watch them go into withdrawal for fun," he told me. "I've heard of situations where they were taken into the middle of a field and left there. They apparently say stuff like, 'If you don't beat each other up, we'll do it for you, so it's better for you if you do it yourself.' But these are all stories from the addicts. I don't know what's true and what's a result of their own paranoia. We had this one guy in with a fractured arm who said he was beaten up by the police and lost all his syringes.”

I wanted to find out firsthand what the addicts think of the authorities, so I spoke to a few who dropped in at the center.

Bogdan Suciu (left) is a social worker at Caracuda who managed to get off heroin after six years of addiction.

VICE: How did you get over your addiction?
Bogdan Suciu: With methadone. I took the treatment on the street after they'd kicked me out of the government's treatment center because I missed two appointments—but that was because I was working. The centers can only handle treatment for 1,000 patients, but there are 18,000 people who need the help in Romania. It's hard to stay on the treatment, as it sometimes costs money, which most of them can't afford. Many take the methadone pills orally, with the wrong doses. Then they think that the treatment doesn't work, so they refuse to try it a second time. I've had two relapses. Each time it took me about a year to get over them. 

How did the authorities treat you?
They terrorized me. As soon as they found me on the street, they'd take me to the precinct to try and make me rat out other addicts. I told them to leave me alone because I was undergoing treatment, but they just said, “What treatment, you bloody addict? Your kind never quits.” I was lucky that my dad argued with them for me. Then the people from ANA told them that I was having treatment and should be left alone.

What about the ones who aren't so lucky?
A friend got held up for a week at the precinct. They made him clean everything, even the curtains and the windows. Also, my best friend was so terrorized by them that he fled Bucharest for over a year. They were harassing him to try and get some dirt on me.

Why? Do they have an arrest quota they have to hit, or something?
Even if they did have one, what's the point in harassing the same ten addicts? Go catch the big fish—the guys selling the drugs. They’ll often force you to ask a friend of yours to buy some for you so they can arrest him for trafficking.

Maria has been addicted to heroin for more than four years. She has two kids in an orphanage, but she visits them occasionally. 

VICE: When was your first time taking heroin?
Maria: I lived with this boy who was doing synthetic drugs. I saw that he felt nice when he took them, so I asked him to make two lines for me so I could see how it felt myself. That's how I ended up doing heroin.

How do doctors and cops treat you?
Badly, especially since they found out I have HIV and work as a prostitute. But the doctors did give me the treatment I need, even though the police fined me for prostitution.

They never arrested you for doing hard drugs?
No, because I'd always admit that I had balls of heroin on me. They saw that I was sincere and left me alone. They didn't even confiscate my drugs. Others argue with them, so that's why the cops take all their stuff, including the syringes.

Have you ever quit?
Yeah, I was clean for six months while I was in a treatment center where I wasn't even allowed to go out for a smoke. But as soon as I got out, I met up with my friends, who said, “Let's go trip balls.” It all went to shit again after that.

Rosanna has been addicted to heroin for 16 years.

VICE: Have you ever tried to quit?
Rosanna: Yeah, but I couldn't do it. I know it's bad for me, but I've grown up with drugs—I don't know how to quit. I'd try the treatment, but my ID has expired. I tried it once, but stupidly I stopped doing it because the center was too far from here.

Does your family understand your predicament?
It's one thing to be understanding. It's another to feel this yourself. They tell you all it takes is will and ambition, but they don't know it's a struggle, that you go through terrible pains. Eventually they got disgusted that I kept doing it. I would be, too, if I were in their place.

How do the doctors act around you?
I had an operation a while ago because I had problems with my gut and the doctor told me I had two hours to live. They all said, “Oh my God, you're in such bad shape—how did you get like this?” I was so swollen, you would have thought I was pregnant, but they still refused to hospitalize me.

What about the cops?
It depends on the shift. There are some who will be abusive—who will swear at you, call you “a fucking cunt,” yell about “your momma's vagina,” and beat you. After that, they ask you details about what you do, when you whore yourself, how big the cocks are that you ride. It's not normal.



Adi has been an addict for ten years.

VICE: What's the worst thing that's happened to you since you started doing drugs?
Adi: I have HIV and hepatitis. People treat us like mangy dogs. I was also cut with a knife recently. They stuck it my leg and my shoulder, just to steal my syringes.

How do people on the street react to you?
If I ask them for a piece of bread, they refuse. I don't steal. I just beg.

How do the cops treat you?
One time they beat me up, took my syringes and took me to the precinct. When we got there they swore at me and hit me with a metal table leg and their plastic batons. They arrested me for drug consumption, then they pinned some unsolved thefts on me. They said, “Hey, you're the one who stole a ladder a few days ago.” I told them to find some witnesses to confirm it, but they kept going, “No need, we know you took it.” They saw that I was so poor that it wouldn't actually hurt to send me to prison.

Dracul has been addicted to heroin for 12 years.

VICE: What are your biggest needs?
Dracul: Money, which you need for drugs. I work on a construction site, so I do OK, but others have physical problems and they can't do it.

Do you ever feel persecuted?
Nobody knows I do drugs at work, but it wouldn't be an issue because I'm employed without paperwork anyway. I don't even have an ID. But everyone outside of work stares at me. I can't talk to my friends or my wife any more, and her mother looks at me like I'm scum of the earth.

Nobody understands?
My mom tries to. It's hard for a mother to be cold when she sees her child is ill. She gives me money and says, “Go on, son,” because she can't stand to see me shiver from withdrawal.

Do the police do anything to you?
They keep beating me and asking me why I'm getting high. They take me to the precinct, where they make me wash the desks of the beat cops. They spit on us, swear at us, call us bums. They confiscate my money because I can't prove where I got it from. My ID expired, and I can't get a new one because I don't have a house. I'm a homeless person, so apparently I don't deserve an ID—I'm not worthy of an ambulance coming to pick me up if I get sick.

Some names have been changed to protect the identity of interviewees.

More articles about heroin addiction:

This Doctor Says He Can Cure Heroin Addicts By Putting Them in a Coma

What Is the Future of British Heroin Addiction?

Ireland Must Act to Combat its Growing Heroin Problem

Jeremy Thomas Is the Man Behind England's Greatest Independent Films

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Dennis Hopper (left) and Jeremy Thomas on the set of Mad Dog Morgan (1976). All photos courtesy of Jeremy Thomas

Britain doesn’t exactly nurture independent film. Bar the few directors making movies about skinheads or suicidal Irish hitmen, cinema that you actually have to engage with is a concept mostly left to the French and Italians—those of great artistic depth and little time for Keith Lemon box-office spin-offs. However, since the 1970s, British producer Jeremy Thomas has been wading against the current, helping to sustain what reputation his country has for great independent film.

In 1987 he won the Best Picture Oscar for The Last Emperor, and without him you never would have seen Sexy Beast, Only Lovers Left Alive, Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, and a whole host of other films that make you want to quit your job and pick up a camera. The list of directors Thomas has worked with is staggering; Bernardo Bertolucci, Nicolas Roeg, Terry Gilliam, Jim Jarmusch, David Cronenberg, Takeshi Kitano, Jonathan Glazer, and Nagisa Oshima are all in there, among others. Essentially: The man’s made a lot of films, and they’re mostly very good.

His next picture, directed by Ben Wheatley, is High-Rise, an adaptation of the J. G. Ballard novel that Blake Butler wrote about yesterday. This isn't Thomas's first tango with Ballard—in 1996 he produced the film adaptation of Crash. He was recently honored by the British Film Institute with a month-long retrospective of his work, and a few days after he spoke there I went to his office to talk about his life in film. 

Thomas (center) at the 1987 Academy Awards after The Last Emperor won nine Oscars

VICE: I’ll start with the obvious: What does a producer do?
Jeremy Thomas: Well, one thing is for sure: No film happens unless there is a producer. Somebody has to be between the money and the creativity. A producer like me—an independent producer—is a private man who’s got a business, who risks money to get books and screenplays and then starts assembling a team to make them. The producer is the manufacturer, the controller, the instigator, and the person who takes the film from its first breath to its last. For me, that last breath means I’m still taking care of my patients right now—the films I made in the 1970s. I’m still looking after those negatives and trying to promote them.   

In some sense, the work never ends.
Yes, yes. Obviously there’s a cliché of film producers as being loud and unpleasant, with a young girl and a cigar. That’s a tradition from Hollywood movies and the Marx Brothers. It’s something that’s come through the era of powerful moguls, when there were singular people who’d say: “I like that. I want to do that. You’ve got the money.” Somebody as successful as Spielberg or Tarantino can probably find that, but that style of being a boss is over nowadays because of the dreaded words: “We’d better run the numbers.” That’s restrictive in terms of what films can be made, because the films need to fit into a certain pattern that will make them popular enough to have in thousands of theaters.

How have you, as an independent producer, dealt with large investors and big studios?
I’m not really in that structure. There were moments when I thought about wanting to become a really big player, but my taste is against me. If you look at the films I’ve done, they’re not exactly going after what’s popular; there are no rom coms. That’s managed to keep me in business longer than anyone else.

Have there been temptations?
I was tempted after The Last Emperor. It happened like a lightning strike, winning nine Oscars. After that, I was enticed to Hollywood, and at times I’ve had offices there and been there for months on end in rented homes. But I’m a European, and this oxygen here gives me my energy, not the higher-altitude oxygen of Hollywood. I said facetiously the other night that I can’t stay in Hollywood for too long because I get jealous of Jerry Bruckheimer. But it’s sort of true, because the aspirations are totally different there. The buzz of the movie business is much stronger than here.

David Bowie in Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence (1983)

When you say you'd become jealous of Jerry Bruckheimer, do you mean that your priorities would change?
Well, what is the general meritocracy in America? Money. Here, you can be a well-respected man about town without being the richest and without aspiring to be the richest. You can survive in a different way and not be considered some sort of freak or loser by making the films that we make here.

Part of your job must be to try and consider the market, though?
I try to make films profitable, and I try to make them interesting. Take my latest film with Jim Jarmusch, Only Lovers Left Alive; that film was made modestly with a very interesting cast and director. It’s fantastic, but it’s not a general-audience film. 

Even though it’s about vampires.
It’s a special vampire film, which is why I made it. Just like when we made Sexy Beast, it was a special film about criminals. We could hardly get a promotional trailer out of it because it was all swear words, and it was very difficult to translate into French and Spanish.

Ben Kingsley and Ray Winstone in Sexy Beast (2000)

It wasn’t a huge hit?
No. It has, like films we’ve made in the past—Bad Timing, Crash, Naked Lunch—a long life, because people are interested in seeing it. They’re always going to remain rich, like a book by Albert Camus. They’re things that will sell forever. How does one judge an artwork? We’ve got the meritocracy, but then how do you judge things by their life? We judge Picasso, Van Eyck, Beethoven, great blues by the fact that they’ve stood the test of time. Some things last, and other things fall by the wayside, including things that were incredibly popular when they came out.

You also have great art that gets lost permanently, or rediscovered.
I’m talking about the rediscovery. There was outrage when Citizen Kane came out—it offended everybody and was closed.

For you, that happened with Crash—it was banned in Westminster, and there was a huge outcry. 
It only happened in Britain, and it was political, moralistic flag-waving. The politicians who banned it didn’t even see the film. It was a strange feeling to be so hated, but it was a fabulous film, and I had to defend it. The Mail and the Standard decided to make a campaign against it. I was at a pub in the Isle of Man, where they were birching people 15 years ago, and I heard people talking about the outrage of Crash and using car crashes as pornography. I thought, I could be lynched here. Of course, that’s not what the film is about, and people who go and see it expecting that are disappointed.  

Thomas with Peter O'Toole on the set of The Last Emperor (1987)

On the other hand, with The Last Emperor the Italians were very supportive and got behind you and director Bernardo Bertolucci.
The Italians embraced the film. They wanted to help their prize fighter, and their artistic prize fighter was Bertolucci. We don’t have artistic prize fighters in England. I mean, Fellini, Pasolini, Rossellini, Antonioni… they’re all incredible figures of Italian culture. You know, they’re proud to have such a thing as Fellini in Italy, but we couldn’t give a shit about any of our filmmakers. Michael Powell? Nic Roeg? Who? What? We don’t have the culture.

It’s true. Why don’t we have that culture?
Because we have a class system different to other places'. In France, having a film company is something to be proud of. In England, film lives at the end of the pier. The metaphor for that is the BFI, which I love. When the Royal Festival Hall and the National Theatre were built, cinema said, “What about us?” They said, “OK, you go under the bridge, and you stay under the bridge for the next 60 years.” 

When you won your Oscar for The Last Emperor you said that independent cinema could be great, that it could be “epic and popular.” Do you still believe that?
No. I can’t get the money to do that anymore. I went to China with hundreds of people, with cars and food and tents, with no digital communication. I went across the Sahara desert with 400 people. I went up to the top of mountains in Bhutan, and I did these things for real. No digital effects, nothing faked. You don’t have to do that anymore. You don’t even have to go to China to make a film set in China; you can take a few photos of the Great Wall and use digital effects to show 300 people fighting in front of it. Films are made in a very different way today. The image is there at the end, but the means to getting there has changed.

Distribution has changed as well. I like the cathedral—watching in a darkened room. But I admit, and it’s true, that everybody’s watching films at home. That gives an opportunity for someone like me to cut out a few areas of middlemen, because at the moment I have to go through many other people. So I’m looking at a time in the future, if I can last long enough, when I finally get closer to my marketplace.

Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston in Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)

Many of the directors you’ve worked with regularly are people whom Hollywood would consider mavericks.
That’s why I’m working with them. I couldn’t afford to work with the leaders of Hollywood—their fees are probably more than my films cost.

Are any of them actually difficult to work with?
No. “Maverick” is a label put on somebody—I’ve been called maverick—that means you’re not with the crowd. They’re just not in the super mainstream. Someone like Terry Gilliam is pretty mainstream, but he’s not in the super mainstream.

Your next film is a Ballard adaptation, and just as you have these long-standing relationships with directors, you seem to have a long-standing relationship with him.
I was friendly with him. I like his books. I think J. G. Ballard is one of our greatest writers of recent history. A lot of his books are still ripe for adaptation.

What was your personal relationship with him?
We did Crash, and he liked it. I saw a lot of him, we shared interests, and he was a wonderful man. I gave a talk at his memorial—he was a special sort of guy, a very unusual person. He wrote every day. He was commenting on life and writing about situations through us. There’s a lot more in them than the story.  

There’s a prophetic element to a lot of what he wrote.
The situations all come to pass. He was a very happy man, but I’m sure he was also troubled by the world, because how can you not be?

Is it a pleasure to look back on a body of work?
It is, but it’s quite frightening to think that you’re as old as you are, and I don’t know how I did all that. Producers are pretty hidden figures, but I think my taste runs through all my films. I’m the chooser of what I’m doing, and I just try to do what I like. That amazes people, but how else do you judge things? I like that, or I don’t like that. Or I hate that. I’m judging whether I like something. And that’s very unusual in the movie business.

Do you feel like there’s a specific film of yours that never got the attention it deserved?
I think all of them.

Thanks, Jeremy.

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Kids Telling Dirty Jokes: Caden

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Who thought that such filthy stuff would come out of Caden's mouth? Watch our little friend tell jokes about his, uh, larger endorsements—and somebody go tell his parents.

Net Neutrality Kabuki Theater: How Cable Companies Dominate the Debate

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Net neutrality backers at a recent rally in Vermont. Photo via Flickr user Free Press

After releasing a proposal that effectively ends net neutrality this spring, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) opened a comment period for members of the public to speak up and provide their two-cents on the future of the internet before the regulation is finalized. That comment period, after an unprecedented number of e-mails and letters came in, has been extended to today. But do these comments—which includes indignation at what at least one participant has deemed the FCC's "poop-laden plan"—even matter?

The only path forward for real net neutrality, a rule that prevents internet Service Providers (ISPs) from creating internet fast lanes and slow lanes, is for the FCC to reclassify broadband services as a public utility. That much was made clear by a federal court ruling in January. Will the outpouring of public demand for a free and open internet result in any movement on the issue? A look closer at the meetings that have gone on shows that the ISP lobby, including Comcast, Verizon, AT&T and others, has the FCC under its grip, and like so many policy disputes in Washington, the industry has gamed the process from the start.

VICE has obtained newly released ethics forms and meeting letters that show that the back and forth between regulators and industry is really just industry groups talking to their former colleagues. Beyond FCC Chairman Tom Wheeler, a former cable and wireless industry lobbyist, the revolving door spins throughout the entire agency. When a cable group asked to meet with the FCC on Net Neutrality, Wheeler dispatched an aide who just months ago worked for Comcast. When Verizon asked for a similar meeting, who led the gathering? A former Verizon lobbyist who recently became the FCC's general counsel. And a number of so-called public interest groups demanding that the FCC oppose public utility status are in fact ISP lobbyists in disguise.

Take Daniel Alvarez, an FCC attorney hired by Wheeler. As we reported in April, Alvarez worked in 2010 for Comcast to lobby against the first effort to enact net neutrality. VICE just obtained Alvarez's ethics form that shows that he was working for Comcast as recently as last year, just before he was hired to help oversee the latest net neutrality talks. In May of this year, representatives from the National Cable and Telecommunications Association (an umbrella group that represents the cable industry, including Comcast), requested a meeting on net neutrality and reclassification with the FCC. Who represented Wheeler at that meeting? Dan Alvarez.

In March, representatives from Verizon requested and obtained a meeting with the FCC to complain about the "adverse consequences" of reclassifying the internet as a public utility (and net neutrality). The FCC's representative to that meeting was none other than acting general counsel Jon Sallet, who just a few years ago was a partner to Verizon's lobbying firm, the Glover Park Group.

The comments from the public are being astroturfed as well. Last month, we revealed that two fake consumer groups funded by the ISP industry, Broadband for America and the American Consumer Institute, were lobbying the FCC to back down from reclassifying broadband as a utility. And a look at more recent submissions shows a steady stream of random civic organizations with ties to the ISP industry continuing this trend. On Thursday, for example, the Chicago area chapter of the National Black Chamber of Commerce filed a letter to the FCC claiming that reclassification of the internet as a public utility would somehow be a "major step backward for minority entrepreneurship and black business owners." The NBCC, notably, has received funds from Verizon and a cell phone industry lobbying group. 


Also on Thursday, VICE caught wind of what appears to be a slick new strategy by Comcast to buy left-leaning support. During the live stream of Vice President Joe Biden’s speech to Netroots Nation, a liberal blogging convention, MSNBC.com aired a bizarre ad claiming that Comcast’s proposed merger with Time Warner Cable—which is currently awaiting regulatory approval, given the fact that the combined company will create monopolistic-like conditions by controlling about two-thirds of the US market—would somehow enhance net neutrality protections.

"How do you make online better?" the commercial asks. The ad continues by claiming that Comcast is committed to net neutrality, before declaring: "Comcast and Time Warner Cable: together is better for more people." A staffer on Capitol Hill noticed the video and sent us the clip. View the video below:

The claim by the MSNBC ad that Comcast not only supports net neutrality, but that its merger with Time Warner Cable would somehow enhance such protections, is odd. In May, Comcast filed a letter to the FCC explicitly opposing the effort to reclassify broadband services under Title II regulations. And for years, Comcast has battled net neutrality. But the feel-good ad, which builds on a Comcast marketing campaign that began in April, creates a blanket deception to hoodwink viewers about both the merger and the company’s position on the open Internet.

So on paper, the FCC is supposed to protect the interests of consumers and the general public. But the ISP lobby has transformed the entire net neutrality process into a kabuki theater of sorts, one in which the stage of policymaking appears to be open and honest, but all the main actors are playing from a familiar, industry-written script. 

Lee Fang, a San Francisco–based journalist, is an investigative fellow at the Nation Institute and co-founder oRepublic Report.

The Jim Norton Show: Welcome to 'The Jim Norton Show'

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VICE and Jim Norton are teaming up to put a weird twist on the traditional late-night talk show, beginning July 23. 

The show will be a loose mix of stand-up comedy, debates, and interviews with guests like Mike Tyson, UFC President Dana White, and notorious drug dealer Freeway Rick Ross. To keep things really unpredictable, we'll be filming everything before a live audience. 

In Norton's words, "VICE didn’t censor any language or ideas at all; they were amazing creatively. I got to do exactly the show I wanted to do. Which also sucks, because if it fails, it’s completely my fault.” We think you'll like it.

A Recent History of Uber: Lobbying, Lawsuits, and a 'Scuffle'

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Photo via Flickr user Joakim Formo

When Travis Kalanick and his co-founders launched Uber in 2009, it was just “about being baller in San Francisco.”

How things have changed.

Kalanick appeared on Bloomberg TV Thursday to discuss Uber's rollout in Hong Kong. He made just two references to the Mercedes S-Class cars that will pick up Uber Black users there before the host turned their conversation to less glamorous subjects, like Uber's conflicts with taxi drivers' trade groups and regulators.

“Now, there's choice words I've had at times for the taxi industry,” Kalanick said, later adding, “In many ways they don't provide choice for consumers, and they've often lobbied city governments to restrict choice and restrict supply and restrict convenience for people who live in those cities.”

That seems to be how the last two years have gone for Uber, beginning with fines from the California Public Utilities Commission in November 2012. What began as a story about tech-industry geekerati coming up with a more convenient way to tool around in luxury cars has turned into one about political insiders haggling over the particulars of chauffeurs' licenses and insurance policies. In a recent interview with Re/Code's Kara Swisher, Kalanick said the company was in a “political campaign” against “an asshole named 'Taxi.'”

The disruption Uber brought to the way cities work turns out to look a lot like politics as usual, as full of the crazy and terrible and banal as the rest of the world. While Kalanick might see himself in the middle of a battle with good guys and bad guys, the events of the past few years have made it more and more difficult to pick out heroes and villains.

There are other companies like Uber—Lyft and Sidecar, for example. But thanks to Uber's financial success and its three-tiered business plan, with various combinations of black cab, taxi and part-time individual drivers at work through the company's services depending on what each city will allow, it has attracted the lion’s share of attention. Kalanick has taken the opportunity to try to redirect any negative heat towards the taxi industry—and, given increasing demands that Uber drivers take on more expensive insurance policies, he may look to insurers next. But the company’s recent history looks less like that of an underdog on the ropes and more like an $18 billion business opening new markets every way it can, with regulators scrambling to keep pace. Uber is now active in more than 100 cities, and Lyft in 67.  

Uber and Lyft both appear to follow a pattern in launch after launch. First, they set up operations in a city under a legal theory about how they are allowed to operate under that place's current rules. In the US, at least, regulators often disagree. As Uber and Lyft continue to operate, they build a user base. If regulators haven't cleared the company's drivers to work—and that has often been the case—then fines start to pile up for drivers and possibly even the companies themselves. At about the same time, the companies start sending representatives and lobbyists to meet with regulators. Eventually, lawmakers pass new rules that make room for companies like Uber and Lyft to operate legally.

As all of this goes on, strange and sad things happen that call into question the idea that Uber and Lyft don't need much regulation. It may be true that the taxi industry is also throwing “mud” at Uber, as Kalanick told Swisher in May. The company has been named in at least a dozen ongoing federal civil lawsuits around the country, many of which are brought by customers or taxi or livery cab drivers. It's also true that many of the counts in those lawsuits have been dismissed.

For example, one Uber user sued the company after he and his fiancé got in an altercation with an Uber-summoned driver in an Arby's parking lot in Oklahoma City. He says the driver asked his fiancée why she was “being a bitch,” so he told him to stop right away and let them out. After pulling into the Arby's lot, according to the civil suit, the driver walked around the car, punched him in the face, got back in the car, and sped off. The driver, an Air Force veteran, is quoted denying this version of events. He has said the passengers actually became belligerent and assaulted him, and criticized the company for its handling of the incident.

Either way, the Oklahoman reports no criminal charges were filed. A federal judge took Uber off the list of defendants in the civil suit. The driver no longer works with Uber. In general, Uber relies on a ratings system to track which drivers are good and which ones may need to be let go.

But these incidents seem to have little to do with jealousy from old-school cab drivers. Earlier this month, an Uber driver allegedly took passengers along on a high-speed chase in Washington, DC. In Los Angeles, a driver was arrested on suspicion of kidnapping for purposes of sexual assault. Another driver in Seattle has been cleared of a rape accusation in what remains an active sexual assault investigation. Then there's a suit seeking to hold Uber liable for the 2014 New Year's Eve death of a 6-year-old girl. She was struck by an UberX driver who was not carrying a passenger at the time.

Uber has said that UberX drivers are backed by commercial insurance while carrying passengers, but that 2014 New Year's Eve incident has motivated new California legislation that would raise insurance requirements for drivers even when between fares.

Then there are Uber's conflicts with competitors and drivers themselves.

One such claim is that a 20 percent "gratuity" Uber includes in the bill for its users is deceitful because a chunk of that money goes to the company and not to the driver. This argument appears in several pending federal cases brought by customers and drivers.

“Uber driver partners are licensees of the Uber platform and earn 80 percent of every fare,” Lane Kasselman, an Uber spokesman, said in an email. “Although it varies by market, Uber generally has a 20 percent commission for lead generation and marketing.”

I asked him if “fare” includes charges labeled as gratuities.

“There is no need to tip with Uber,” he replied.

Confused? Perhaps that's why the cases haven't been dismissed and are still pending in federal court.

Another claim is that Uber overburdens drivers with the cost of new cars in the name of keeping its fleet up to date. In Seattle, Uber drivers—whom the company treats as independent contractors, not employees—want to form a union to fight to improve working conditions. One of their complaints, according to the Stranger, an independent Seattle weekly newspaper, is that the list of vehicles approved for Uber Black, the black-car service, changes so frequently that it puts a strain on drivers' wallets.

A livery cab driver who works in New York City made that charge against Uber in a case now before the State Supreme Court. In the suit, he says he was bumped to UberX because his 2010 Chrysler was not on a new list of approved Uber Black vehicles. He traded it in for a newer model worth nearly $65,000. Just five months after buying that 2013 Chrysler 300, Uber notified him that this vehicle, too, had been bumped from the Uber Black list and he was once again being dropped back to UberX. As an UberX driver, he says, he can't make nearly as much money. At issue is whether Uber made any promise to keep the driver on Uber Black for any length of time, which of course the company denies. Uber has filed a motion to dismiss the suit and the case is still pending.

All of these issues—ranging from tragedies to alleged crimes, bizarre events and routine business disputes—are the same kinds that bedeviled the taxi industry long before Uber arrived. Perhaps the biggest actual departure from the norm on Uber's part is its "surge pricing," in which the company raises prices during peak usage times—like snowstorms—and is now testing out what happens if it reduces prices during low-usage summer months. Uber has promised drivers they will not lose money because lower prices will raise demand.

Innovative? Absolutely. Disruptive? Probably so. But revolutionary? One city official I spoke to said surge pricing was among the least problematic issues confronting regulators, because Uber customers know what the cost of a ride is going to be before getting in the car.

"As long as that agreement is made up front," says Adam Stevens, an assistant city attorney in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, "let the free market decide."

Milwaukee officials are working on a bill that would allow Uber, Lyft, and companies like them to operate within their city limits. In the meantime, both companies have been told that drivers might be fined for violating city law—and have stayed in business anyway. (Stevens said this week he was not aware of any drivers actually getting fined, and that the companies would probably reimburse them in any case.)

Milwaukee would join Seattle on a list of places where ride-sharing companies disrupted their way to the bargaining table and got laws passed that cleared the way for their drivers to work, although only after some tough talk—or more—from officials. 

Seattle's mayor was on the verge of issuing a cease and desist letter to Uber and Lyft before officials brokered a deal earlier this month to revise previous legislation that set a cap on the number of drivers each company could have on the road. In California, the state Public Utilities Commission fined Lyft, SideCar, and Uber $20,000 each; last year, the state issued regulations allowing ride-sharing companies to operate. Uber was fined $26,000 and Lyft $9,000 in Virginia, according to a state DMV spokeswoman, Sunni Brown. Both companies appealed and have since applied for authority to operate, although Lyft withdrew its appeal and paid the fine. In Pennsylvania, regulators have filed complaints seeking more than $110,000 in fines from Lyft and about $95,000 from Uber. Both companies are seeking authority to operate there, now, too. (Lyft had already applied when investigators from the state Public Utilities Commission there slapped the company with those fines.)

“Many of those processes have moved forward and turned into a thoughtful, collaborative discussion where we can work with local leaders to create new rules for peer-to-peer transportation,” said a Lyft spokeswoman, Paige Thelen.

Ride-sharing companies are pulling out all the stops to steer that discussion.

On Monday, the Illinois state legislature sent a bill to Governor Pat Quinn that Uber and Lyft don't like. The legislation sets new rules for "ridesharing" services, like prohibiting drivers from working more than 10 hours a day, preventing them from charging more than the most expensive cab ride in the area, and requiring them to obtain a chauffeur's license. It mandates cars conform to some of the same insurance and safety requirements as taxis and livery cabs. And it requires that 5 percent of vehicles available through a "ridesharing arrangement" like Uber be able to accommodate wheelchairs. It would also keep services like UberX out of airports and cab stands.

Uber's response has been a petition calling on customers to urge Quinn to veto the bill and a public suggestion that it would add more jobs to an already planned expansion of its Chicago office—provided Quinn prevents those provisions from becoming law. In a blog post, Uber writes that the bill's rules "threaten consumers" and that insurance provisions are a maneuver to "protect the taxi monopoly."

“Uber works with leaders across the country to develop regulations that protect driver economic opportunity and rider access to safe, affordable and reliable transportation alternatives,” Kasselman, the Uber spokesman, told VICE.

This might not be a change in position for the company, but it's sure a change in tone. In 2013, the Wall Street Journal’s Andy Kessler quoted Kalanick this way:

"We don't have to beg for forgiveness because we are legal," he says. "But there's been so much corruption and so much cronyism in the taxi industry and so much regulatory capture that if you ask for permission upfront for something that's already legal, you'll never get it. There's no upside to them."

Maybe Uber's rough ride to success over the past two years has motivated the company—including Kalanick, who was more diplomatic in his Bloomberg TV appearance Thursday—to get better at this whole politics thing.

The company has hired lobbyists in Illinois to advocate on its behalf, according to public records, including Governor Quinn’s former chief of staff, Jack Lavin. In New York, it made a similar move by bringing on former NYC Taxi and Limousine Commission official Ashwini Chhabra earlier this year. And Kara Swisher at Re/code reports that Uber is looking for a senior communications hire to head up its growing government affairs staff.

All signs point to a rapid shift by Uber and companies like it from trying to ignore politics to actively shaping it. That shift must be informed by the fines, the penalties, the accidents and the allegations of the past two years—not just, as Uber CEO Travis Kalanick puts it, the “asshole named 'Taxi.'”

In Milwaukee, for example, officials are in discussions with Uber and Lyft about whether their background checks, vehicle inspections and insurance provisions are in line with what the city wants. Thelen, the Lyft spokeswoman, says the company's background checks are done by an industry-leading third party, and claims they meet or exceed local standards in most cities where the service operates. Uber makes similar claims about its own safety standards. But according to Stevens, the Milwaukee official, officials there want the police department to check drivers working within the city limits, the argument being that cops have access to databases that no civilian can see. The city wants to find suitable third parties to handle things like vehicle inspections, too, rather than taking companies at their word that cars are up to code.

Even with an algorithm matching passengers and drivers rather than someone at a radio console, many problems seem to crop up for Uber and its brethren—just as they do for regular cabs. Passengers get angry. Drivers get lost, or worse. Cars break down. Collisions happen and sometimes, sadly, six-year-old kids wind up dead. Hiding all of this behind a smartphone interface changes nothing. Uber cannot protect its drivers or its users from all of the terrible things that happen while people are humping to Point A from Point B in the modern city, and there are not enough lobbyists in the world to convince a state or a city that it isn't within their rights to force the company to try harder anyway.

"I think the companies are recognizing that there's going to be some regulation," says Stevens, the Milwaukee official. "They can't just operate outside of the law."

Nick Judd is a freelance writer whose work has also appeared at Yahoo News and techPresident. Follow him on Twitter.

A Scientific Analysis of 2016 Presidential Contenders Based on Sporting Events Their Wedding Attendees Missed

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A Scientific Analysis of 2016 Presidential Contenders Based on Sporting Events Their Wedding Attendees Missed

Montreal Is Experiencing a Rash of Fatal Overdoses and No One Knows Why

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Image via Flickr.

At least 56 overdoses from street drugs have been reported in Montreal since May—18 of which were fatal. By comparison, the average number of fatal overdoses per month in the city is 1.3. Early reports show a number of the deaths can be attributed to heroin, but other substances are likely to be involved. Victims were between 20 and 61 years old and were both regular and occasional users.

The situation has gotten so out of hand that Montreal’s public health department has launched an investigation into the cases, and a prevention campaign has been set up inciting users to use extra precaution such as testing their drugs and using in the presence of someone else.

“Users are feeling terrorized,” said Dr. Marie-Ève Morin, an addiction specialist working at OPUS clinic in Montreal. She thinks traffickers have wrongly manipulated the heroin batch currently circulating on the Quebec market. “Either they didn’t know what they were doing, or they made a mistake,” Dr. Morin told me.

Fentanyl, a deadly substance that has been causing dozens of deaths in the US, has been found to be at play in at least one case, but lab tests have so far indicated that a highly concentrated heroin is more likely to be the main cause of the overdoses.

Montreal’s drug traffic has been going through big shifts after one of the local mafias running the trade saw its leader disappear, as revealed in La Presse last week. According to La Presse, for years, the heroin market was dominated by a small number of experienced organizations: the Turkish mafia, some Iranian importers, a leader of the Italian mafia clan, and a branch of "traditional organized crime in Quebec" who exercised a quasi-monopoly. New inexperienced traffickers have taken advantage of the chaos that followed the probable death of Turkish mafia leader Attilla Gascar, which has left the drug trade in shambles.

Opioids are becoming more and more popular across North America. That has changed the regional drug trade in Canada, especially since prescription drugs like Oxycontin have become more difficult to procure, and illegal labs have jumped in to fill the need. Last year Montreal police seized an unprecedented amount of synthetic drugs—including three kilos of fentanyl—during a major bust.

“Cocaine is losing ground in favor of opioids,” said Dr. Claire Morissette, from Montreal’s public health department.

It is still unclear whether the current situation is temporary or not; in the meantime the debate around prevention has been amped up in light of the recent overdoses. Health professionals and community workers have been wondering why naloxone, a substance used to counter the effects of opiates and used to treat overdoses, is only available in Montreal’s emergency rooms. Quebec’s ministry of public health announced a plan to make naloxone available to paramedics, but this might take weeks to implement and would be of little help as overdoses following opiate intake can be fatal within minutes. Some think it would be more useful for users to carry a couple of doses around should they witness an overdose.

“That the public health ministry hasn’t made Narcan available to us baffles me,” said Dr. Morin, referring to naloxone’s trade name.

Others think the current wave of overdoses is just more evidence that Montreal should open injection sites sooner rather than later, a project that has been stuck in bureaucratic procedures for months since it was announced in late 2013.

“This situation brings a new perspective on the utility of supervised injection sites,” says Morissette.

Follow Flavie on Twitter.

Dismembered Body Found in Mexico Is Missing US Traveler Harry Devert

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Dismembered Body Found in Mexico Is Missing US Traveler Harry Devert

This Week in Racism: Is This Casting Call for the NWA Biopic Actually Racist?

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Welcome to another edition of This Week in Racism. I’ll be ranking news stories on a scale of one to RACIST, with “one” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.

–The upcoming NWA biopic—cleverly titled Straight Outta Compton—is one of the most hotly anticipated film releases of the next year in the black community. NWA is a seminal group in hip-hop history, and exposed the overwhelming tension between LA's black underclass and the police, which would eventually come to a head in the 1992 Rodney King riot. The story of Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, MC Ren, DJ Yella, and Eazy E is one that is intrinsically linked with racial animosity and mistrust. It's a uniquely black story about black cultural icons. That's why a recently released casting call for black female actors caused such a disturbance this week.

The casting call is broken up into four distinct types, or levels of perceived beauty. Being light-skinned is preferred, and synonymous with attractiveness. The lowest group requires women to be darker, and specifically, "poor, not in good shape." I think it's safe to say that the casting office that prepared this call was not intending to be prejudiced. That said, it illuminates a very complicated, rarely discussed issue within the black community: the lighter your skin, the more capable you are of being accepted into the upper classes. Alternatively, dark skin is associated with poverty and ignorance. It's telling that Beyonce is referenced as an avatar for black female sexuality, because she's been dogged by controversy over her skin seemingly getting lighter for the past few years. 

The perception is that the lighter you are, the more you can assimilate into the white ruling class. This isn't just an African-American problem, either. This goes on in India, Mexico, and Japan too. The light-skinned "ideal" dominates pop culture in these countries. Models, actors, TV personalities, and politicians overwhelmly tend to be lighter. Ultimately, Straight Outta Compton is a film about real people and real situations, and that world discriminates against dark-skinned people. Instead of specifically targeting this film, ask yourself why this scenario even exists in the first place.

–The Ku Klux Klan knows that in the 21st century, marketing has to be truly be clever in order to be successful. It's not enough to just burn a cross or shout racial slurs into a bullhorn. This is the era of Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Grindr, and countless other networking tools. What newfangled techniques are the Klan using to get their message across to impressionable white youth? Candy, of course. Delicious, sweet candy. This is apparently an initiative designed to soften the image of the Klan, whose reputation suffered when they publically announced their hatred of just about everyone who isn't white. It's been a tough 200 years for the KKK, folks. Hopefully, a chocolate bar will help you forget.

Robert Jones, who holds the prestigious office of "Imperial Klaliff of the Loyal White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan," (try fitting that on a standard-sized business card) told VICE News, "It’s one of our recruitment techniques, and it’s also to let everyone know that the Klan is still out there and still active." This reminds me of going to my grandma's house for the weekend. She'll jabber on about how she's "not dead yet" or something, and then placate me with a Werther's Original when my blood sugar starts to get too low. That might be a good slogan for the KKK, actually: "The Ku Klux Klan—Kinda Like Your Grandma, But Racist." RACIST

–The co-creator of a new Canadian sitcom put his weiner in the chow mein when he decided to tweet a few clumsy jokes about Chinese people during a flight from Los Angeles to Calgary. Brent Piaskoski, executive producer of CTV's Spun Out, starring Dave Foley, tweeted the above in what he subsequently called a "hasty attempt to be funny."

I know when I'm desperate to tweet something funny (because, you know, if you aren't tweeting every two to three minutes, you might DIE), I immediately go for the "Chinaman" material. My grandma loves that stuff! Piaskoski deleted the tweets, but not before the intrepid folks at the Toronto Star screencapped his "jokes." On the bright side for Piaskoski, America now knows he exists. 8

The Most Racist Tweets of the Week:

Eric Garner and the Plague of Police Brutality Against Black Men

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If you haven’t heard about Eric Garner yet, let me fill you in. He was a 43-year-old father of six who lived in Staten Island, and he died in the street on Thursday after as many as four New York police officers choked him and slammed his head on the ground. The NYPD told the Associated Press that they stopped Garner because he was selling untaxed cigarettes, something he’d been arrested for before. However, witnesses who spoke with local news website Staten Island Live have basically said that’s bullshit. Ramsey Orta, who was on the scene and shot a now infamous video that is making the rounds, can be heard in the clip saying that all Garner had done to get bothered by the police was break up a fight.

In the video, Garner denies any wrongdoing and asks why he’s being hassled. “Every time you see me you want to mess with me," he says in an exasperated tone that most men of color across this country can relate to. Garner, who was 400 pounds and has been described by people who knew him as a “gentle giant,” suffered from chronic asthma and police claim his death was the result of a heart attack suffered during the arrest.

Police say that Garner made a “fighting stance” and resisted arrest. Which, based on the video clip, is complete nonsense, considering we can see him pleading to the officers, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!" before going completely silent as several officers pile on him.

The video of Garner’s death is disgusting, but I can’t say I was shocked or even outraged the first time I watched it. At this point, as someone who’s read and written about some of these stories time and time again—and who's had firsthand experiences with the way cops treat black males—this kind of reprehensible shit is not surprising at all. After so many cases like Amadou Diallo and Sean Bell, you start to feel desensitized by the seemingly insurmountable injustice that plagues communities of color.

As an editor at VICE, I am well aware of how often the “Black Person Is Abused by Police” story arises in the news cycle. It’s become sort of an evergreen editorial topic for us, like anal sex or circumcision activism. If one of my contributors submits a piece on the phenomenon of unarmed black dudes getting shot by the cops a little past deadline, I just tell them to wait a few weeks and we’ll be able to run it again when the next black kid gets killed with a few of the details changed. We’ve even resorted to running Bad Cop Blotter, a column dedicated to the brutality of American police just to chronicle it all—because the instances are so numerous that we can’t commission full articles every time it happens across the country.

In the time since I wrote about the curious case of Victor White in Louisiana (local police claim that White shot himself while handcuffed in the back of a cop car), my inbox has been getting blown up by grieving black parents and community members from all over the country who are suspicious about the events that transpired in altercations between the police and their loved ones. These stories are everywhere—sometimes they’re never reported or they end in trumped-up charges.

This long legacy of police brutality really hit home for me a couple weeks ago, when I was sitting in a lush theater seat at the industrial-chic BAMcinématek to see the 25th anniversary screening of Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing. If you haven’t seen the classic film, it takes place in the late 80s on the hottest day of the year in Brooklyn’s Bed-Stuy neighborhood as tensions mount between the blacks, Italians, and the NYPD. The movie hit theaters a few years before the 1992 riots in Los Angeles and can been seen as a perfect encapsulation of that era’s contentious race relations. The climax of the film, which ends in a race riot, is punctuated by the iconic young black character Radio Raheem (played masterfully by Bill Nunn) dying in the choke hold of NYPD officers. Most famously, as Raheem gasps in vain, the camera frames just his twitching feet, making a horrific visual allusion to the history of black lynching in the United States. To me, this shot has always signified a truth often ignored through all of our claims of equality and progress—that the plight of the black man in America hasn’t changed as much as we’d like to think. It’s so incredibly disheartening to think that a film made about the racial turmoil of the early 90s is just as relevant today as it was a quarter of a century ago.

Like the fictional death of Radio Raheem, the actual death of Eric Garner is a blatant reminder that in the eyes of the law, black lives are worth a lot less in this country than whites and that black men are still seen as needing to be controlled and killed if necessary—just as they were in antebellum South. If you’re a black man, that harsh reality is the kind of shit that haunts you so much that it almost seems easier to acquiesce and just give up. Why expend emotion over something that seems like it will never ever change? That’s the question I jadedly asked myself as I watched Eric Garner’s video. It wasn’t until I hit social media that I was pulled out of the hopeless, resolute reality of these incidents. There, on Facebook feeds and Twitter hashtags, I was emboldened by the righteous indignation of my peers of all colors, clamoring at the clear fucked-up-ness surrounding the NYPD and Garner's death.

For what it’s worth, we’ve got to keep talking about the Eric Garners and the Ramarley Grahams and the Kenneth Chamberlains of the world in the hope—even if it is a blind hope—that this shit doesn’t happen again.

Follow Wilbert L. Cooper on Twitter

Did Euthanasia Advocate Philip Nitschke Help a Murder Suspect Kill Himself?

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Dr. Nitschke addresses attendees over the death of murder suspect Nigel Brayley.

Philip Nitschke is the 66-year-old doctor spearheading Australia’s legalized euthanasia debate. He sells cylinders of nitrogen for self-suffocation and advises people on how to get a banned drug called Nembutal, which can cause respiratory arrest. Back in May, we made a documentary in which Nitschke explained how he screened his potential customers to make sure he wasn't providing assistance to suicidal young people. According to him, he’d only provide advice to individuals over 50, and even then only after they were found to be sane.

Recently, these measures have been called into question. In early July Nitschke admitted that he’d given advice to a man named Nigel Brayley, who was neither old—45, according to the Australian Broadcasting Corporation (ABC)—nor particularly sane. As it turned out, Brayley was being investigated over two mysterious deaths, including that of his former wife.

As might have been expected, a good deal of controversy has ensued. Jeff Kennett, the chairperson for mental health advocates Beyond Blue, described Nitschke’s actions as “absolutely abhorrent,” while a scathing segment on 7:30 Report, a show on the ABC, concluded that the doctor is basically helping vulnerable people commit suicide. This accusation has now prompted the Australian Health Practitioner Regulation Agency to try and suspend Nitschke’s medical registration.

So what does Nitschke think about all this? Has he changed his position since the last time we spoke? We went to a conference of his in Melbourne on Wednesday where we found him signing up swaths of new elderly members.

A woman signs up for Nitschke's non-profit, Exit International

VICE: Last time we spoke you assured us that your operation had safety nets in place. What happened with Nigel Brayley?
Philip Nitschke: He attended a workshop and that’s not a crime. I mean, the question is, where’s the cut-off point? He gave a very good account of himself in the very brief conversation that we had, and there wasn’t anything about him that suggested he didn’t know what he was doing. And he did know what he was doing!

But you told him how to get Nembutal, although you’d only just met.
He didn’t actually get any advice from me. He talked to me and then he bought his own drugs. He didn’t ask me anything. He didn’t ask me a single question. So, no, he didn’t get any advice.

Why didn't you try to stop him? You’re not a psychologist. How did you know he was sane?
Oh come on. I’m a doctor. You’re not, and certainly the 7:30 Report journalist wasn’t. And she came to the conclusion that he was depressed based on an interview. Anyway, this idea that only a psychologist can decide whether a person should receive information brings out the worst elements of medical paternalism. This idea that unless you’re a very experienced psychologist, absolutely anyone could be harboring a yet-to-be diagnosed psychiatric malady is rubbish. I am also a person who can decide if someone is of sound mind, and Nigel was.

Why do you get to decide?
Why do I get to decide? I simply said he could stay. I didn’t chuck him out of the meeting. Is that a decision? We try to get as many people to these meetings as we can. That’s all.

An empty box of Nembutal, the animal tranquilizer used by Brayley to commit suicide

It seems that you're saying you don’t need a psychologist to determine whether someone can receive suicide information. So where is the age cut-off? What is the safety net that you speak about?
Well, we say 50, but that’s an arbitrary benchmark. It makes sense for every adult to know how to end their life. I don’t just mean when you’re 50, 40, or 35. Everybody should have access to this information.

Even if they’re not sick?
Oh, hell no. In fact, do it before you’re sick. Once you leave it until you’re sick, then you’re leaving it up to that point where you might need assistance and then you’ll really run into trouble with the law. Plan ahead while you’re not sick.

So let's say a young person who is perfectly healthy but suicidal comes to you. They should have access to suicide info?
Of sound mind is the criteria. If they then lapse into depression after that diagnosis, that’s a risk, but it’s not a good reason to be unprepared. And people say that could happen to someone, so therefore no one should have access to this information. And that’s why it’s a false argument and I dispute it. But of course, much of the opposition that’s coming in is predominantly from doctors. And they’re saying that no one should have access to this information except for doctors. It’s just medical paternalism. And that stuff has prevailed for 100 years where doctors know what’s best for everyone. They pat everyone on the head. There, there. We know what’s best. People want to be empowered. They want to make their own decisions and the best that a doctor can do is give out accurate information, but not to judge it. And this judgment by the medical profession is actually offensive, yet it goes on all the time.

Sanity aside, Brayley was being investigated for murder. Doesn’t his suicide get in the way of justice?
Well, I don’t think you can tell someone to stay alive to face 20 years of jail if he doesn’t want to. He made that decision. Should we have stopped him from making that decision because we wanted him to rot in prison? I don’t know. That’s a very hard question to answer.

Do you now regret having anything to do with him?
Oh, only because of the media reports. And especially the ABC. In the case of Nigel, I simply talked to him and he decided he was going to get his own drugs. As was pointed out, Nigel was a person who loved guns. If he hadn’t taken his Nembutal, he would have shot himself or hung himself. He was not going to jail.

Follow Julian Morgans on Twitter.

The Week in GIFs: Jason Biggs Tweeted Something Stupid About the Malaysia Airlines Disaster

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GIFs by Daniel Stuckey

A Malaysia Airlines plane flying Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur, and through Ukrainian airspace, was shot down. The plane was carrying 298 people when it crashed. No survivors have been found as of now.

Jason Biggs, star of most of the movies you hate (and Orange Is the New Black) thought that it was a good time to crack a joke about the tragedy. Of course, people got upset, and he had to apologize publically. This marks the 700th time Biggs has said something offensive on Twitter this month. People wiser than I say that comedy equals tragedy plus time, but no one has ever acccused Jason Biggs of being great at math.

Controversy-ridden New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, not one to give up on the challenge of an all-you-can-eat buffet nor a seemingly impossible quest to achieve the Republican presidential nomination, will be making the rounds (emphasis on round) in Iowa this week, presumably in an attempt to generate support from ordinary, non-news watching folk who are blissfully unaware of the fact that Christie's currently embroiled in three criminal investigations.

His chances of becoming the next president, however, are as slim as the chances of him becoming slim. You get it? 'Cause he's fat. It's OK for me to make fun of his weight, because he's an awful person.

Welp, it looks like those kooky kids in Israel and Palestine are goin' H.A.M. on each other again. After a brief cease fire, both parties picked up where they left off, and Israel has sent ground troops into the Gaza Strip.

The Palestinian death toll rose above 260 this week, with no signs of the conflict improving.

More than 20 people have been killed since Israel began its ground offensive. The Palestinians estimate that around 2,000 people have been injured.

Marvel Comics recently announced that Thor will be recast as female in a new series, launching in October. According to series writer Jason Aaron, "This is not She-Thor. This is not Lady Thor. This is not Thorita. This is THOR. This is the THOR of the Marvel Universe. But it's unlike any Thor we've ever seen before." He then went on to clarify, "It's Thor. With tits. Like, super big tits. And a small-ass waist. And long, flowing blonde hair. Basically, it's a Norse God you wanna put your dick inside."

An iPhone video of Charlie Sheen loaded at a Taco Bell drive-thru is currently going viral, hitting over 1,000,000 YouTube views in its first day of upload. In the 50-second, fan-shot clip, Sheen apologizes for being "so fucking hammered" before showing off his Charlie Brown and Cincinnati Reds tattoos. Yo quiero #TIGERSBLOOD, baby!

Shannon Guess Richardson, the former actress who sent President Obama ricin-laced letters, then attempted to blame her estranged husband, was sentenced to 18 years in prison. She was, of course, pregnant at the time. Hormones, am I right, fellas? At her sentencing, she told the court that she "never intended for anybody to be hurt." Other than her husband and the leader of the free world, but who's counting?

Holler If You Hear Me, the Broadway musical "inspired by the music of Tupac Shakur," is set to close for good on Sunday. This does not bode well for future hip-hop efforts on the Great White Way (unless you count the rapping kitty from the Cats revival). The producers cited poor attendance for their decision to shut the show down, which begs the question: If you holler and no one is around to hear you, does it make a sound?

OMG MATTHEW LESKO. HE'S HERE TO SAVE YOU MONEY.

Follow Dave, Megan, and Daniel on Twitter.

The Internet Is Killing Warped Tour

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Photos by Amy Lombard

I’m in a parking lot in New Jersey at the Vans Warped Tour, watching a rapper ask a crowd of teenagers to put their middle fingers in the air if they don’t give a fuck. He's standing under a sign that says "no moshing." The kids toss black balls around. At one point, a DJ stops playing EDM to blast Jay Z’s “Dirt Off Your Shoulders.” Then the EDM comes back on.

In case you haven’t already realized, Warped Tour is no longer the summer event Blink-182 described in their song "Rock Show." A lot has changed.

From a distance, the event looks the same it probably did in the early days, when skateboarders who called me "faggot" made up most of the audience. These days, the crowd is different. In the parking lot, I meet a former Marine tailgaiting with his co-workers and baby sister, who wears a bandana and chugs tequila. They blast hardcore from their car speakers and the marine shows me his manliest scream.

People still attend Warped Tour in hoardes, but once upon a time, it meant something to attend or play here: It meant you were emo, pop-punk, or scene, or you belonged to a band that had a ridiculous name like Bowling for Soup or Cute Is What We Aim For. But now, at least at this weekend’s Camden stop, I see kids dancing—not moshing—to EDM, rap, pop, hardcore, and pop-punk—a variety of genres encompasing, well, everything. 

Green, black, and yellow tents still fill the parking lot where the event takes place. My favorite tent was the one raising awareness about testicular cancer as Yellowcard plays "Ocean Avenue."

Where, in previous years, bands like Paramore, Fall Out Boy, and No Doubt played the show both before they were famous and after they had become superstars, the biggest act I recognized on this year’s roster was Yellowcard—a one-hit wonder. In the history booth, the most recently famous musician on the wall is Skrillex. He performed at the Warped Tour when he was an emo band called From First to Last, which never took off. 

I never went to Warped Tour when I was a teenager—or if I did, I must have gotten too drunk to remember—but my friends went, filling my Facebook feed with pictures of emo kids while I shopped at Hot Topic and listened to My Chemical Romance at home. When they got back, they talked about waiting for hours—I mean, like, six hours—through terrible opening acts to see one good band, but at this year’s Warped Tour, nobody waits for bands. Instead, kids sit against fences, texting.

What does it mean to play and attend Warped Tour? I'm unsure, so I decide to ask the bands.

My first stop on the Warped Tour is the Maine’s tour bus. The Maine has played the Warped Tour several times. I remember scene girls listening to them in high school. As I drove to Warped Tour, I received text messages from someone on their team who somehow found my contact info, asking me to interview the guys. I've never heard their music, but since middle school, I’ve fantasized about five smelly, emo guys gangbanging me on a tour bus. So I agreed to meet them.

Luckily for me, their bus smells like a used condom wrapped in a dirty sock. Twelve guys live on the bus, and the living room space feels hot (temperature-wise). I expected their bus to look this sexy and gross—Alexa Aimes, a porn star I know, was engaged to a member of a Warped Tour band, and she said one year she had a queef contest on a bus. Bands lined up to have a queef-off with her. Great, right?

At the same time, living on a bus with 12 dudes doesn't sound fun. I sit down with the Maine and ask how they manage to masturbate when they live in a glorified hallway, beds piled ontop of each other. They all say they're used to life on the road and typically wait to bust a nut until they make a stop at a hotel, which means they might go days without ejaculating.

"The problem on this bus is the curtains don't hang down to the bottom of your bunk," one of them says. "You have to know what your angle is [if you masturbate on the bus]."

I pretend to be the Barbara Walters of Warped Tour as they talk—but really I'm just thinking about having a gay bukkake with all the guys in the Maine.

After a brief absence from the Warped Tour, the Maine decided to play the event again to gain new fans and attention. Their song "Birthday in Los Angeles" is a catchy song I'll probably listen to the next time I fall in love. That said, it’s unclear if the Warped Tour can launch any of their songs to the top of the Billboard charts, considering that, in the purple press room behind the amphitheater, I see no legitimate members of the press—only teenagers with flip-cams who claim to run blogs.

One blogger stops me. “Mitch!” she screams. I look up, unsure who she is. She tells me she met me when I was reviewing an Aaron Carter concert at a Mexican restaurant last fall, because she’s the “manager” of Aaron’s opening act.

Moments later, I hear an Australian musician tell a blogger, “My idols played [the Warped Tour]. Legends.”

The only band who seems to realize that no career breaks are coming out of the Warped Tour is the Protomen, a rock band that smells terrible and paints their faces silver. One of them hears I’m from VICE and asks, “Why is VICE here?” After a brief interview, they pick me up and throw me over their shoulders.

The only band I meet with radio potential is Hunter Valentine, a (mostly) lesbian rock band best known for opening for Cyndi Lauper and appearing on The Real L Word. They’re also competing in the new VH1 talent show Make It or Break It from Linda Perry, the songwriter and producer behind P!nk and Christina Aguilera's biggest songs, which makes sense considering their songs are catchy. 

Kiyomi McCloskey, the lead singer, is also media-savvy. She tells her bandmates to remember I have a recorder on. If the band does take off, they'll succeed because of their social media presence and reality TV appearances, not the Warped Tour. 

Like most girl-fronted bands at the tour, Hunter Valentine are playing on the Shiragirl Stage.

The terrible press room hasn’t stopped Shira, the 32-year-old Warped Tour veteran, who created the Shiragirl stage. Performing as “Shiragirl,” she’s basically the Penny Lane of the Warped Tour—a veteran believer of the movement who has lived a life of being almost famous.

In 2003, she joined the tour as a TRUTH MC, encouraging kids to avoid cigarettes. She noticed there were no girls performing and proposed to Kevin Lyman, the tour’s founder, that they start a girls-only stage. He said no, because the next year was the tenth anniversary. In an act of defiance, Shira drove a pink RV onto the tour ground the next year and set up performances across from the stage.

“Girls saw pink and came running,” she says.

The stage was so successful, the next year Lyman invited her to set up the Shiragirl Stage, a stage where only girls could perform. Shira played with her band, Shiragirl, and both Paramore and Joan Jett played the stage.

After several years without the Shiragirl Stage, Shira has returned this year for Warped Tour’s 20th anniversary—but now she’s singing EDM instead of pop-punk.

At the Camden tour stop, she dances with chains and climbed over her dancers, while wearing a cheap-looking Lady Gaga rip-off outfit better suited to 2008 than 2014.

"I wanted to do something with my dance training," she says. But considering EDM is trending right now and she used to sing pop-punk, it seems like she's trying to cater to the market. 

Shira says Limey's smart to make sure the tour adapts to the changing market, but also admits she's nostalgic for old aspects of the Warped Tour, like NoFx and the skate ramp—nevertheless, she still believes in the tour. To her, genre doesn't matter. The Warped Tour is a "punk-rock summer camp."

The teens treat Warped Tour more like a mall encompasing 2014's biggest trends than a punk rock event. Vendors try to sell them hats with the word swag on them and weed shirts, but the kids would rather sit around and gossip. 

The teens have different theories about Warped Tour's failures. One kid with very spikey hair tells me that the influx of younger crowds—and the need to appease them, has ruined the tour.

“Warped used to be awesome,” he says. “Now [there's] no moshing because kids are coming.”

The only person who seems to need the tour is the marine veteran I met outside the venure. While serving in Afghanistan twice, he says, he listened to hardcore and pop-punk because it was one of the few ways he could get through his difficult emotions both during and after the war. 

"My first deployment it was all heavy shit," he says. "I will fucking be [hardcore and pop-punk] until I fucking die." 

These two girls from New Jersey love the Warped Tour—they think their generation has no use for the labels like emo, pop-punk, and scene that made the Warped Tour thrive during the Bush years.

“There’s no labels,” one says.

“Besides nobodies,” the other corrects her.

In the history booth, this sign hangs about the birth of the Warped Tour and why the tour matters, but the quote contradicts itself. The internet has formed an accepting generation that, for the most part, doesn't need subcultures, because everything they could ever want is on the internet, and they listen to rap, EDM, and hardcore.

If kids have the internet and EDM, do they really need punk rock?

Follow Mitchell Sunderland and Amy Lombard on Twitter

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